Happy Long Distance Relationships: Advice from other LDRs

This guy has the long distance blues - in a good way.  This blues song may not make you feel less blue… but it will give you something great to listen to.

Here is a list of 5 things that you shouldn’t do in a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter). If you start to see your partner doing these things its time to have a serious chat.

1. Too much negativity

Negativity can come from others or from ourselves, but either way negativity and relationships don’t mix. Try to stay positive. Long distance relationship can and do work.

2. Dwindling Enthusiasm

Keeping the fire burning constantly can be difficult in a long distance relationship. However, a little technology and some creative thinking can go a long way. If you do start to feel the passion eroding, and you are longing for your partner less and less take some time to figure out if the relationship is still what you want.

3. Constant Investigations or Suspicions

Always wondering where your partner is? Concerned they are cheating? Most likely they are not. And unfounded accusations can really erode a relationship fast. If distrust seems to be getting worse, you need to determine if it is your own insecurities or if you really have cause for concern.

4. Going for a Temporary Replacement

Letting someone else into your life as a temporary replacement for your loved one who’s not physically around is (in the words of Pretty Woman) big mistake. Big. Huge. Yes, it can happen unintentionally, but if it continues it turns into one large step away from your partner.

5. Frequent Misinterpretation of Each Other

Couples who are next to each others sometimes misinterpret one another’s thoughts, words or actions. These misinterpretations just get worse with distance. Misinterpretations are, once in a while, pretty normal. But if it happens each time that you get to communicate with one another, it can mean the two of you are starting to grow apart.

I have a confession. I’m a serial LDRer. I got out of one long distance relationship (LDR), and then got right back into another one. And you know what? My ex also is doing long distance right now.

Is this just me? And him? Or is there something to this type of relationship that some people just seem to take to? Or is it that people are moving around so much now that it just happens?  Have you been in more than one LDR?

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!

If you haven’t planned anything special, its not too late.  You don’t need anything dramatic - just something to let them know that you think they are the greatest. Some ideas:

• List their best qualities.  Tell them what they are on the phone or put them in an email.
• Think about your top 5 favorite times together.  Reminisce about them with your partner.
• Is there a movie/art show/event you know your partner wants to see that is going on now?  Call one of their single friends and ask them to bring your partner to the event. They will both enjoy it.
• Create your own Valentines Day madlibs. Have your partner fill it in.

More ideas. In general, just make sure your partner knows how much you appreciate them.

Do you still not have the perfect idea for Valentine’s day on what to do for your long distance partner?

Here are 101 Romantic Ideas http://www.scribd.com/doc/5275/101-Romantic-Ideas - hopefully one (or more!) will work for you.

Anybody watch the Superbowl?  Well, more importantly the commercials? Google did an interesting ad for themselves - all through the searches someone does travelling, meeting someone, trying to impress them, contemplating long distance, and then settling down.  Good job google.

Valentines day is quickly approaching!  (Its on Sunday February 14^th for those of you who are wondering…).  Even if you live far away from your partner there are still lots of ways to show you care!

• Email Valentines: Start today… and send your partner an e-Card (or even just an email with some fun images you created) everyday til Valentines day .
• Plan a wakeup call for Valentine’s morning, ensuring that the first words your lover hears on Valentine’s Day are either “I love you,” or “I had a dream about you last night…”
• Arrange to send flowers to their work/home: There is a reason why this is a classic – people like to receive flowers!

Want more?  Find lots of additional creative ideas here. And don’t be afraid to think of creative things that your partner would really appreciate - remember that it is the thought that counts.

Image source www.vegetarianwomen.com.

While listening to the John Tesh radio show a while ago, I was surprised to hear the suggestion that “happy couples” talk things out over the phone. They suggest that this will keep things positive by removing non-verbal cues (e.g. eye rolling). Perhaps this is one secret to long distance relationships? A number of other relationship tips were also included… see if you ‘know what happy couples know’:

• Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. We all see things differently, because we have different backgrounds. For example, your ideas of responsibility may be poles apart if you were the youngest child and they were the oldest. So, understanding where they’re coming from can make or break your marriage.
• Another secret that happy couples know: They use the word “I” instead of saying “You.” For example, don’t say “You’re so messy”. Instead, try: “I’m bothered when you leave clothes on the floor.” Why? It’s easier to resolve problems when you take the blame for being upset, instead of assigning your partner a character flaw. Like “You’re a slob!” That way, your spouse isn’t starting out on the defensive.
• And the final happy couple tip: Recognize the positives. Make sure you point out how much you enjoy and appreciate your spouse. Everything from the way you make each other laugh, to how well you share kitchen cleanup duties. The more often you tell each other how much you care, the happier you’ll both be!

I came across this today on one of my favourite advice columns… Do you agree?

Q: I’ve been in a six-month long-distance relationship; he calls me his girlfriend and introduced me to his parents. Three months ago, he left his email open and I saw he was on a dating website and messaging girls. He explained he was using it as a backup but, if I were upset, he would stop.

While visiting him two weeks ago, I discovered he was doing it again! It really upset me and I said I wouldn’t visit him if he continued. He agreed to cancel his membership. Yet, because I now have access to his email (he doesn’t know), I saw he was still using the website.

I can’t confess that I look at his emails. We’ve both said we want a long-term committed relationship but that we need more time to develop it. I think six months is reasonable to know if you want to commit. Is it acceptable for him keep his options open? He doesn’t date people; he says he’s on the site in case things don’t work out. I’m not sure I buy that. I’m not exploring other options while we’re apart and I don’t think he should, either. ~More Upset

A: Six months may be long enough for you but it seems it’s not long enough for him to feel committed. That’s his right, but you need to speak up about what you cannot accept, instead of playing detective and fuming.

The “backup” excuse is ridiculously illogical, even if he means it. If things don’t work out, then he can go online – the list of available women won’t have disappeared.

Trolling other profiles is only somewhat different from prowling a bar – eventually, there’s bound to be someone appealing enough for him to try making contact.

This isn’t about handing him an ultimatum; it’s about being honest and clear. Tell him you’re ready for a commitment. If he’s not ready to give up on “other options,” he can have them all – but he can’t have you, too.

Here are some ideas for those in the cold wintery parts of the world during these holiday times.

• Get out there and take pictures of the crazy street with all the 1000s of ridiculous lights decorating everything (including the kitchen sink). Then head home, and share them with your partner.
• Instead of going out, stay in and have a cozy evening together and watch some fun holiday or winter movies like “Miracle on 34th Street,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story” to get into the holiday spirit. Start a fire in the fireplace, prep the hot chocolate with marshmallows, pop some butter popcorn and grab a warm quilt to snuggle under.  Then put the phone on speaker and start the movie at the same time.

I have one more week of vacation - then I’ll be back up to more frequent entries!