Happy Long Distance Relationships: Advice from other LDRs

Real Relationships: Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher

Posted on 17. Mar, 2010 by lisa in Pop Culture, Real Relationships, Trust/Jealousy

Doing long distance for over a year now doesn’t seem to have had any negative effects on Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher’s relationship. The recently engaged couple talked to People magazine, with Underwood quoted as saying “Leave it to me to pick someone in another country to date – and marry! But if it’s worth it, you make it work, right? … Not being in the same room won’t lessen our relationship … We completely have faith in each other.”

5 things NOT to do in a long distance relationship

Posted on 25. Feb, 2010 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Trust/Jealousy

Here is a list of 5 things that you shouldn’t do in a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter). If you start to see your partner doing these things its time to have a serious chat.

1. Too much negativity

Negativity can come from others or from ourselves, but either way negativity and relationships don’t mix. Try to stay positive. Long distance relationship can and do work.

2. Dwindling Enthusiasm

Keeping the fire burning constantly can be difficult in a long distance relationship. However, a little technology and some creative thinking can go a long way. If you do start to feel the passion eroding, and you are longing for your partner less and less take some time to figure out if the relationship is still what you want.

3. Constant Investigations or Suspicions

Always wondering where your partner is? Concerned they are cheating? Most likely they are not. And unfounded accusations can really erode a relationship fast. If distrust seems to be getting worse, you need to determine if it is your own insecurities or if you really have cause for concern.

4. Going for a Temporary Replacement

Letting someone else into your life as a temporary replacement for your loved one who’s not physically around is (in the words of Pretty Woman) big mistake. Big. Huge. Yes, it can happen unintentionally, but if it continues it turns into one large step away from your partner.

5. Frequent Misinterpretation of Each Other

Couples who are next to each others sometimes misinterpret one another’s thoughts, words or actions. These misinterpretations just get worse with distance. Misinterpretations are, once in a while, pretty normal. But if it happens each time that you get to communicate with one another, it can mean the two of you are starting to grow apart.

Love Letters – The original long distance communication

Posted on 11. Sep, 2009 by lisa in Communication, Love Quotes, Real Relationships, Trust/Jealousy

(Image Source here)

Long before computers, there was the love letter which connected couples that were in long distance relationships (though, I don’t think they called them that back then!).

Below are two letters from Napoleon Bonaparte to his wife Josephine. The letters showcase the range of both positive emotions (e.g. happiness, love, dedication) as well as some of the negative emotions that long distance can bring out in all of us (e.g. jealousy, frustration, paranoia).

Its rather reassuring to know that not much has changed in relationships in over 200 years…

Spring 1797

To Josephine,

I love you no longer; on the contrary, I detest you. you are a wretch, truly perverse, truly stupid, a real Cinderella. You never write to me at all, you do not love your husband; you know the pleasure that your letters give him yet you cannot even manage to write him half a dozen lines, dashed off in a moment! What then do you do all day, Madame? What business is so vital that it robs you of the time to write to your faithful lover? What attachment can be stifling and pushing aside the love, the tender and constant love which you promised him? Who can this wonderful new lover be who takes up your every moment, rules your days and prevents you from devoting your attention to your husband?

Beware, Josephine; one fine night the doors will be broken down and there I shall be. In truth, I am worried, my love, to have no news from you; write me a four page letter instantly made up from those delightful words which fill my heart with emotion and joy. I hope to hold you in my arms before long, when I shall lavish upon you a million kisses, burning as the equatorial sun.

Paris, December 1795

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried?… My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for you lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!

You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.

Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Are couples in long distance relationships more likely to cheat or have affairs?

Posted on 27. Aug, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Trust/Jealousy

(Image source http://escribiryleer.files.wordpress.com)

Nope.  Couples in long distance relationships are no more likely to cheat than local couples. While this may be surprising – it really shouldn’t be. My mother once commented that anyone can go out the door on any day and find someone to cheat with – its being true blue that’s a challenge. She kinda has a point. I’m pretty sure we can all walk out our front doors and if we asked every single person we ran into if they would like to ‘get it on’ eventually someone would agree. But we don’t do that! Why? Because we are in a relationship and we do love (or at least really like!) our partners and we just couldn’t risk causing pain to them.

I think all of us in long distance relationships should stop worrying about our partners cheating. You can never be with your partner 100% of the time even if you do live in the same city. All you can really do is have faith that they are faithful. So, unless you have real evidence that something is going on – Trust your partner. They are probably being just as loyal to you as you are to them.

Long Distance Relationship Mistakes

Posted on 10. Aug, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors, General Relationship Advice, Trust/Jealousy

Try to avoid these common LDR errors:

1. Setting Expectations too high: Expecting nothing but perfection will just have you asking to get your heart broken. Be realistic about who your partner is and what you need from them.
2. Letting your heart run away with you: Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Make sure your relationship is based on reality, otherwise a relationship that should fizzle may keep going for longer than it should.
3. Not having a plan: When you look forward to the future you should be able to see an end to the separation.
4. Going for the wrong reasons: If you’re simply lonely and want somebody to talk to, find an online friend. A long-distance romantic relationship is not going to succeed unless your whole heart is in it because you can’t imagine being with anybody else.
5. Not being able to pay: The further the distance, the more expensive the travel costs. Traveling to see your partner is what fuels the relationship. If you can’t travel to see each other (or travel to move) then its probably better not to get started in the first place.
6. Giving your suspicions free reign: Are they cheating? Are they as committed? Have trust. These kinds of questions can’t take over and lead an otherwise healthy relationships to demise.
7. Letting others talk you out of your commitment: Nobody is in this relationship but you and your partner; and so they can’t truly give you an educated opinion. The only thing that should influence your decisions about your relationship are what you and your partner expect–not what others expect of you.

Unique Problems with Long Distance Relationships

Posted on 03. Aug, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors, General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty, Other sites, Trust/Jealousy

Long distance relationships definitely have some unique negative characteristics adding complications to the already difficult world of relationships.

1) Its so easy to lie. You either believe your partner or are constantly suspicious of what they say. They probably aren’t lying to you! But flaky behavior is something that should raise concern.

2) Pent up… um… “energy”. Everyone needs a physical connection – so you either have to get good at doing it from a distance or suffer (and hope your partner doesn’t try to find action somewhere else).

3) The progression process can be challenging. If you live far apart, what is the next step?

4) How do you know if your partner is really who they say they are? Online relationships are especially susceptible to this concern. But even if you see your partner every other weekend, how do you know they aren’t hiding a spouse back in their hometown? Make sure you see their world and understand it when you visit them.

Got other unique things about LDRs?  I’d love to hear about them!

Tips to make a long distance relationship work

Posted on 19. Jun, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Other sites, Technology for Long Distance Relationships, Trust/Jealousy

The article ends with the following paragraphs – and I couldn’t agree more:

Staying apart from loved one is always difficult. Nothing can replace complete presence of a loved one in our life. Even if you apply everything mentioned above or anywhere else, you will still miss your partner very much, you will still remember your partner everytime you go out, everytime you see something great. Everytime you see something which brings out a ‘wow’ from you, you will terribly miss your partner and wish there were here to share this. And missing is good. Missing your partner simply means you want him/her to be with you. Staying away from loved one will always be very very difficult.

But the point is, your relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. Inspite of all the distance that comes in between both of you, you can still be an important part of each others life, you can still love each other like crazy, you can still share all your small titbits with your partner, you can still have a happy, loving, fulfilling, successful relationship. You can still have a fantastic relationship – just the way you want.