Going to college or university? 5 things to consider before starting a long distance relationship
Posted on 24. Aug, 2010 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Real Relationships
I started my first long distance relationship when I went off to university. My high school boyfriend was heading to a school near our hometown but I was moving 2 hours away (I know… its not that far!). Here is what I learned:
- Leaving is terrible. Its heart wrenching and awful – especially at first. Tears and complaining help – but do not fix it. It does get easier – but it takes time – time to settle into your new college or university and time to settle into the “distance”.
- Staying put is worse. While I was moving on to this exciting new world, my boyfriend wasn’t. Yes, he was going to a new school – but the rest of his world stayed put. He didn’t move. He kept the same friends. This meant that the transition was harder for him – and I had to be sensitive to that.
- You will meet people – you will think about dating them! No matter how doe-eyed and head over heels you are for your partner, other people will get your attention. If you don’t, then you aren’t meeting enough people! I think its normal to meet people, and start to wonder “what if?”. The majority of people you will eventually cast aside, realizing that your partner is waaaay better. But be ready for it.
- Long distance is not all bad! There are some positives to long distance relationships. You get your own space and independence, traveling to see your partner can be really exciting, and the ‘honeymoon’ effect means that there will be lots of passion in the relationship!
- You can find yourself in the worst of both worlds. If you dedicate yourself to your long distance partner by giving up a life for yourself at college or university then you are really just getting the worst of both worlds. You are far away from your partner which puts additional stress on the relationship AND you are not making the most of your college or university experience by meeting people, joining groups and having a good time. So, embrace your life! Don’t put your life on hold until you can be together – the more fun you have (whether you went away or stayed where you are) the better partner you will be and the better relationship you will have.
Travelling with your long distance relationship partner? Do’s and Don’ts Advice
Posted on 08. Aug, 2010 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty, Real Relationships, Technology for Long Distance Relationships
You and your long distance partner have a big trip coming up (or are thinking of planning a trip) – together! Very exciting! One two week trip I took with my long distance partner was the longest time we had spent together… ever. It went well, but I was worried going into it. Would we be compatible travel partners? What if we didn’t get along as well as do on our normal visits? What did this trip mean for our relationship? I was stressing myself out – for no reason. Here are some ideas on things to consider when you are planning a trip with your long distance partner.
- In order to plan a trip that both of you will look forward to, you need to know what kind of traveler you are – and what type of traveler your partner is. There are different “styles” of travel and you have to make sure you both come to some agreement on what type your trip will be. If you are the 5 star hotel type, and your partner is all into backpacking then some compromise is going to have to happen. Perhaps a cruise? Or staying in a nice resort in an off-the-beaten track area?
- Budget together. If one partner is tighter with funds than the other, vacation expectations can be very different. You might want to take full advantage of your travel destination, while your partner may be on a strict budget and not willing to do some of the same things. Or, you may be expecting your partner to help you out with part of your costs but haven’t verified this with your partner. Take the time before the trip to estimate costs (including food, lodging, travel, entrance fees, tours, transportation, etc). And then discuss those costs with your partner to make sure everyone is clear on expected costs and who is going to pay for what.
- Don’t be afraid to spend time apart – its okay if you need a break! After an extended period of time together you might need your space for an hour (or a day!) and that is perfectly fine. Suggest something that your partner would want to do and each of you can enjoy your separate time. Gives you that much more to talk about when you meet up later!
- Try to learn things about your partner! Notice how they interact with strangers, appreciate the things they notice that you would not have, check out activities that interest them. You may see a whole other side to your partner. Hopefully a good side.
- Do not let small things turn into big deals. You are both in a new place, experiencing new things, and bad things can happen. And bad things can lead to negative attitudes fast. So, try to not let that happen. If something bad happens – deal with it. And then try to get back on the happy vacation path.
(Image source http://lordofdesign.com/photoshop-brushes-travel/)
Mamma Mia Co-stars talk about Long Distance Relationships
Posted on 06. May, 2010 by lisa in Pop Culture, Real Relationships
People has an article about long distance couple, and Mamma Mia co-stars, Amanda Seyfriend and Dominic Cooper. They believe the secret to a successful long-distance relationship is lots of flying to see each other and Skype. Amanda says that talking to each other with a webcam has become so ritual, “we don’t even sit in front of the computer,”. “The other day, I was cleaning, he was cleaning,” she recalls. “We couldn’t see each other – we were just scrubbing away and talking like we were in the same room.” Amanda admits “there’s nothing easy about” a long-distance relationship – so they do hop on planes when their schedules allow to enjoy real face time.
Real Relationships: Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher
Posted on 17. Mar, 2010 by lisa in Pop Culture, Real Relationships, Trust/Jealousy
Doing long distance for over a year now doesn’t seem to have had any negative effects on Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher’s relationship. The recently engaged couple talked to People magazine, with Underwood quoted as saying “Leave it to me to pick someone in another country to date – and marry! But if it’s worth it, you make it work, right? … Not being in the same room won’t lessen our relationship … We completely have faith in each other.”
Serial long distance dating
Posted on 18. Feb, 2010 by lisa in Distance Factors, Real Relationships
I have a confession. I’m a serial LDRer. I got out of one long distance relationship (LDR), and then got right back into another one. And you know what? My ex also is doing long distance right now.
Is this just me? And him? Or is there something to this type of relationship that some people just seem to take to? Or is it that people are moving around so much now that it just happens? Have you been in more than one LDR?
Ellie Advice
Posted on 04. Jan, 2010 by lisa in Distance Factors, General Relationship Advice, Other sites, Real Relationships
I came across this today on one of my favourite advice columns… Do you agree?
Q: I’ve been in a six-month long-distance relationship; he calls me his girlfriend and introduced me to his parents. Three months ago, he left his email open and I saw he was on a dating website and messaging girls. He explained he was using it as a backup but, if I were upset, he would stop.
While visiting him two weeks ago, I discovered he was doing it again! It really upset me and I said I wouldn’t visit him if he continued. He agreed to cancel his membership. Yet, because I now have access to his email (he doesn’t know), I saw he was still using the website.
I can’t confess that I look at his emails. We’ve both said we want a long-term committed relationship but that we need more time to develop it. I think six months is reasonable to know if you want to commit. Is it acceptable for him keep his options open? He doesn’t date people; he says he’s on the site in case things don’t work out. I’m not sure I buy that. I’m not exploring other options while we’re apart and I don’t think he should, either. ~More Upset
A: Six months may be long enough for you but it seems it’s not long enough for him to feel committed. That’s his right, but you need to speak up about what you cannot accept, instead of playing detective and fuming.
The “backup” excuse is ridiculously illogical, even if he means it. If things don’t work out, then he can go online – the list of available women won’t have disappeared.
Trolling other profiles is only somewhat different from prowling a bar – eventually, there’s bound to be someone appealing enough for him to try making contact.
This isn’t about handing him an ultimatum; it’s about being honest and clear. Tell him you’re ready for a commitment. If he’s not ready to give up on “other options,” he can have them all – but he can’t have you, too.
Real Couples: Peter MacKay and Jana Juginovic
Posted on 05. Nov, 2009 by lisa in Canadiana, Real Relationships
This is being talked about in Canada… Peter McKay (a Canadian politician, who has been one of Canada’s leading eligible bachelors for a number of years now) recently proposed to his long distance girlfriend!
He splits his time between Ottawa and his riding in Nova Scotia while she is currently attending Harvard University on a Nieman journalism fellowship. No one really knows anything about her… he, however, has quite the love history.
He used to date Belinda Stronach (of Magna International) – til she dumped him rather publicly. He also grabbed headlines when gossip started about him seeing Condoleezza Rice in 2006 (which was not true at all).
After all those relationships, sounds like he got pretty good at handling the long distance.
(Image source Globe and Mail)
Whose side are you on? Taking sides in other peoples fights
Posted on 20. Oct, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty, Other sites, Real Relationships
(Image source BeaconBlog)
A friend of mine just showed me a website called SideTaker where you post information about a fight you are in or have had with your partner and then others wade in and tell you whose side they agree with. Its like Wikipedia for fights! There are a couple of interesting ones about long distance relationships – the crowd seems to be onto something:
- “Who moves in a long distance relationship?” A lady is trying to decide whether to quit and move ASAP from Hawaii to Utah to be with her long distance partner or wait until she gets a job in his area (he is starting a new business and could use her assistance). The crowd is pretty unanimous that she should wait til she gets a job in his area.
- “Is it appropriate for my bf to have overnight female guest at his condo?” A women has been dating a guy for a year and has seen him twice in that time (though never seeing his condo). She is angry that her partner has a female friend in town, who is looking to stay at his place. The crowd is strongly suggesting that she is “the other women”.
- “He wants phone sex, I hate phone sex….”. A lady feels like an idiot when doing phone sex and she is paranoid that her parents are going to hear something. The crowd thinks she should fake it. I agree with the crowd, as long as she isn’t super young. I also think she should read this about how to have better phone sex.
Do you agree with the crowds decisions?
Real Relationships – Neil and Amanda – A first date and then 6 months apart…
Posted on 12. Oct, 2009 by lisa in Other sites, Real Relationships
The Wall Street Journal has an endearing article about the long distance relationship of Neil (a Naval Intelligence Officer) and Andrea (a doctor).
They had their first date the day before Neil left for a 6 month posting in Iraq. Through those first 6 months they had their share of ups (first I love yous), downs (miscommunications), and even some awkwardness upon meeting each other a second time. Dealing with their different realities was especially challenging (he’s in a warzone!) but they are together now, married and proud parents to a 3 month old daughter.
Click here to read their story.
Celebrity long distance couples
Posted on 26. Sep, 2009 by lisa in Other sites, Pop Culture, Real Relationships
Kyra Sedgewick and Kevin Bacon. Since 2005, Kyra’s schedule for filming The Closer keeps her in LA while Kevin and their two children reside in NYC. “I remember the first few years it was like I was in an ocean and constantly getting tumbled over…It’s not like that anymore … but the homesickness – missing the kids, missing those life moments – that gets harder and harder.” (Image: Vincent Laforet/The New York Times)
Leona Lewis and Lou Al-Chamaa. Though they technically share a place in London, Leona (best known for her song Bleeding Love) is now US based. Their long distance relationship means they communicate through phone calls, chats, email and Sype as much as possible.
