Couples Couples Couples. Everywhere.

Posted on 29. Oct, 2009 by lisa in Communication, General Relationship Advice, Positives about LDRs

Sometimes it can seem as if the world is full of happy couples who are together – when you are sitting there, alone, as usual, thinking about your partner who lives kilometers (or miles) away. It can get really frustrating. Especially if it feels as if these other couples are flaunting the fact that they have partners who live in the same city. Some thoughts to calm you down:

1) You have a partner who thinks you are fantastic! So fantastic, that they are willing to go for long periods of time without seeing you – because they know that when they finally do see you it will be uh-mazing.

2) Most likely, these other couples are NOT trying to shove it in your face. They just happen to be with their partner at this time – and lets be honest, if you were with your partner now you would probably be doing the same thing.

3) Think about how your partner can always make you laugh – and how the last time you were together there was that really funny/cute/awesome thing they did.

4) Remember that you are choosing this. You can break up with your partner at any time – but you are choosing to stay with them because they are awesome, and the two of you are awesome together, and your life is better with your partner it. A lot of the couples walking around may not be so confident.

Calmed down yet?

Benefits of LDRs

Posted on 26. Oct, 2009 by lisa in Positives about LDRs

Here are more positive things about long distance relationships (from here and here):

  • You get to be involved in an intimate relationship while still retaining your individual space and getting a lot of opportunities to enjoy solitude.
  • You are able to really draw out that initial spark of romance since you’re frequently seeing each other again after long absences.
  • You are able to stay in the place where you live even if the person you love doesn’t live there.
  • You get to have more time for yourself.
  • You’re never the friend who’s always with her boyfriend.
  • You might miss out on nightly sex, but when you do have it, it’s really great.
  • You can actually keep up with your plan to eat healthy and work out more.
  • There’s always something to look forward to.
  • You may not have a lot of time together, but the time you do have is extra special.
  • You have the whole bed to yourself!
  • You actually get to miss each other.

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Longevity of Long Distance Relationships

Posted on 02. Oct, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors, Positives about LDRs

For anyone looking for scientific support that LDRs can work – keep reading :) According to Maintaining Long Distance Relationships and Cross Residential Relationships studies done in the 80s and 90s (yes, I realize that is a long time ago, but the results should still be valid…) showed that LDRs stayed together longer than couples who live close together. This was shown in studies of 6 months and longer by Stephen (1986) as well as Reske and Stafford (1989). Stafford and Reske (1990) also found a pattern of greater stability among LDRs.

If we go beyond stability and include other relational features as success, LDRs continue to fare quite well. Most studies have found equal or even higher levels of satisfaction, commitment and trust in LDRs compare to geographically close couples (Guldner and Swenson, 1995; Lydon, Pierce and o’Regan, 1997; Schwebel, Dunn, Moss and Renner, 1992; Stafford and Reske, 1990, Stephen, 1986; Vanhorn et al, 1997).

Things to appreciate about your LDR

Posted on 26. May, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty, Positives about LDRs

It’s easy to read about the negative factors associated with long distance relationships. However, LDRs are not all negative – in fact, there are a lot of positive aspects to long distance relationships. Such as…

a) Surprises. Perhaps I like surprises more than the average person, but being in a long distance relationship with a fabulous partner also means that I get more of them :)

b) Knowing you are with a great partner who is dedicated to you (otherwise neither of you would be in the relationship!)

c) Travel (assuming you can both travel to see each other). Traveling to see your partner is like a vacation. You get feelings of anticipation, time away from your everyday reality and adventures in a new place. Depending on how far apart you live from your partner, the frequency and distance factor here can be very different from long distance couple to long distance couple, but even a few days away is still a mini-vacation.

d) Independence. In long distance relationships, partners pursue friends and activities independently. No need to ask permission or work around each others schedules daily (well, perhaps to fit in a phone call or so!). In general, you do your thing and your partner does their thing, and (hopefully) everyone is happy.

e) Passion! They don’t call it the ‘honeymoon effect’ for nothing. After not seeing each other for extended periods of time some seriously amazing physical affection is long over due – and man, is it good!

10 reasons to stay in a long distance relationship

Posted on 10. Jan, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors, General Relationship Advice, Positives about LDRs

I’ve read a lot of articles and books that talk about whether or not you should start a long distance relationship. I always thought that was weird. If you like each other enough (keyword being ‘enough’), and you don’t live in the same area (either when you meet or for any stretch of time after meeting), then you will just kinda find yourself with no choice! At least that’s my experience. However, at some point, you might start to wonder if its really worth continuing it. Here are some reasons to keep going…

  • 10: That first hug when you eventually do see each other
  • 9: Independence (especially when you see your friends in controlling & bad relationships)
  • 8: Free room and board in a different city
  • 7: Picturing your life together.It will happen eventually. And it will be amazing.
  • 6: Regular emails/IMs telling you how wonderful, smart, funny and intelligent you are
  • 5: Thinking about how wonderful, smart, funny and intelligent your partner is
  • 4: Your partners smell (you know you love it!)
  • 3: Those late night conversations where you feel so close and so connected and so in love
  • 2: Always knowing there is someone out there who loves and misses you
  • 1: Because your life is better with your partner in it. Period.

Long Distance Relationships can work

Posted on 04. Jan, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors, General Relationship Advice, Positives about LDRs

I spent 6 years of my life in two different long distance relationships (LDRs). After the first long distance relationship ended, I said I would never get into another LDR. That lasted about 6 months. Then I found myself head over heels in a crush with a guy who lived over 700 kilometers away (about 450 miles). What was I to do? I jumped into it (again!). I still think back fondly to the beginning of that relationship. Me, in my last year at university, logging in when I should have been studying. Him, at his first job, talking to me all day long instead of working. We didn’t see each other often in the beginning. I’m proud to say that I fell in love over instant messenger.

Soon afterward I graduated and started my first job – still 700 kilometers apart. Two long years later, my work offered me a transfer to his city. With that, my LDR life ended, and we settled into what some consider a more normal relationship (I always considered our relationship ‘normal’). We are still together, recently engaged and living together is great. Don’t believe anyone who says that long distance relationships never work.