Creative Ideas for Long Distance Relationships
Posted on 29. Mar, 2009 by lisa in Creative/Fun Ideas
More creative ideas! As usual, if you have other ideas, please comment them.
- Send messages (voice or email) that aren’t “from” you: For example, pretend to be ‘Victoria’ (i.e. not your real name) “I just walked by your apartment, and can’t help but notice what a great body you got!”. You aren’t trying to trick them… the goal is that they know its you – you trying to spice it up!
- Create a shared online calendar (Google has a great one) that tracks your next meet-up, and also tracks what other important things are going on in each others lives.
- Leave surprise ‘notes’ in places that they will not find immediately. Could be a book/notepad 100 pages beyond where they currently are, in their travel case, somewhere in their car, etc. The notes can be really simple (‘Love you’, ‘Thinking of you’, whatever). I guarantee that when you partner finds the message it will put a smile on their face for the rest of the day.
Tips to starting a new long distance relationship
Posted on 26. Mar, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice
A friend of mine recently started a long distance relationship. He asked if I had any advice on my blog for newbies and to my own surprise, I didn’t! So, here are a few tips if you are just starting out (and, well, actually they are good tips if you been in a relationship for a while also):
Tip 1: Determine what kind of a relationship are you in. There are a lot of options here… Monogamous or not? Long term or just a fling? How is cheating defined? How often are you expected to talk to each other? Are you going to do equal trips or is one person (for some reason) expected to do more of the travelling? Sometimes we just fall into patterns, and that’s fine. But most of the time these things need to be discussed to make sure that you are both on the exact same page. If you are starting to wonder, then it’s probably time to bring it up.
Tip 2: When you do see each other, see them in their day to day lives. I know you don’t want to leave the bedroom 
, but it is really important to use the time you have in your partner’s city to get to know what their life is like. Meet their friends, go to places they go to, participate in activities they do. Try to get an idea of what their life is like when you aren’t there. That way when things come up in conversation you actually know what they are talking about.
Tip 3: Relax. New relationships should be fun and exciting! And long distance relationships are not much different from local relationships (well, except that your first date is an intense three day sleepover…). There will be ups and downs in the beginning – as with every relationship. Enjoy learning about each other, enjoy surprising each other, enjoy the butterflies, enjoy being corny, enjoy seeing where its going. It could be your last new relationship
What do to when you meet someone else of interest
Posted on 23. Mar, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice
In any relationship you are going to meet other people of that are of dating interest. And it’s probably easier when your partner lives far away because you tend to do more things without your partner (though cheating is no more common).
Different people have different ways of dealing with this. Here is my theory: Get to know this other person, and then see if you are still interested. Don’t put yourself in any compromising positions. And make sure the new person knows that you have a partner that you are serious about. But getting to know them as friends can be an eye opening experience. I’m willing to bet that most of the people you get to know you will soon not be ‘of interest’ anymore.
Have you gotten to know them, and you are still interested? Think back to when you first got to know your long distance partner. Remember how fun, inspiring and enjoyable they were? Now, compare those beginning days to the new person you just met – how do they measure up? Again, I’m willing to bet your current partner is many times better. I think it’s important to think back to the time you met your partner in order to be comparing apples to apples (i.e. beginnings to beginnings).
Is the person still ‘of interest’? Well, then you have some serious thinking to do. Most of the thinking should be about your relationship and whether or not your partner is the best person for you. Are there specific things that need to be improved? Have you tried talking about it? In general, I think a breakup should be based on the current relationship and whether or not is working. You never know what is going to happen with any potential new person, and you don’t want to have regrets.
That said, you never know who is around the corner
Creative Ideas for your Long Distance Relationship
Posted on 16. Mar, 2009 by lisa in Creative/Fun Ideas
Every relationship needs to change things up sometimes to keep it interesting. Here are three more fun and creative ideas to do with your partner:
- Word games – Sometimes (even in the best relationships!) phone or instant messaging conversations can get a little stagnant. So word-play it up a little! Word association, mad libs (write your own, or find some here or here), or the “I start a sentence and you finish it” game, etc. If you both partners are open minded it’s a fun thing to do and it can lead to a lot of other discussions about how and why your minds’ work the way they do.
- Play dress up – not that more passion is needed when you first see each other! But it is fun to arrive dressed up a little different sometimes. I’m talking about arriving as a police officer, school girl, fire fighter, nurse, doctor, or whatever your partner would be most interested in
- Send a memory card of pictures. Where you work, where you live, where you do your hobbies can all be included. It’s a great way to introduce your partner to your day to day life.
Is Your Long-Distance Relationship Working?
Posted on 13. Mar, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice
eHow has a bunch of articles about long distance relationships. Most of them repeat the usuals (communication is important, so is trust, etc), but one article jumped out at me. It asks a bunch of questions to help guide thinking in determining whether or not your relationship is working. I think they are good questions for any relationship (LDR or not!):
- Ask yourself how much passion you feel for the other person. Do you eagerly anticipate visits, e-mail and phone calls? Or is making contact a chore?
- Consider how much attention you give your partner. Do you return e-mail promptly? Do you call when you say you will?
- Think about how your partner treats you. Is your partner putting as much effort into the relationship as you are? Do you feel cherished? Taken for granted? Neglected?
- Consider how often you see each other. Do you visit as often as you can? If you frequently choose to spend your time and money on other priorities, you may need to question how important this relationship is to you.
- Ask yourself whether you trust the other person. Do you feel suspicious about activities or friendships when you’re apart? Trust is important in any relationship, but when you’re far away, it’s even more crucial.
- Think about the way the two of you communicate. Are you honest and open with each other? Can you be yourselves when you’re together? Do you share the day-to-day details of your lives?
- Consider to what extent your lives are intertwined. Although you’re bound to have separate social lives, it’s a good sign if you know each other’s new friends.
- Be honest with yourself about why you’re in this relationship. Are you motivated by a fear of being alone?
- Consider your future plans. Do you discuss living in the same city in the future? Do you have a concrete strategy for achieving that?
- Ask yourself whether your life apart from the other person is more interesting than being together. If so, it may be time to move on.
To add an upbeat ending, I’m reminding readers of a previous post 10 Reasons to stay in your LDR. Thoughts on the list?
Celebrity Long Distance Relationships – Sports Editions!
Posted on 08. Mar, 2009 by lisa in Pop Culture
Athletes don’t get to much control over where they live. So, its not too surprising that they get used to doing long distance. Below are three lucky stars who are dating some hot Hollywood ladies.
- Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie. Dating since July 2007, these two seem to be going strong. He recently moved to Ottawa (where I live!) and when reporters asked about how that would impact the relationship, he didn’t sound concerned about the additional distance (she is based in LA; he was based in New York). Haylie Duff (Hilary’s older sister) says that they “adore each other” and that it’s actually the long-distance factor that makes things work between them.
- Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. Married for 6 months now, Eva Longoria splits her time between LA (where she films Desperate Housewives), Texas (where Tony plays for the NBA spurs) and France (where her in-laws live). She says that the long distances make her and her husband value each moment they spend together. Aw.
- Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher. They recently started dating. Though, it doesn’t seem like the American Idol singer is looking to be too public about their relationship! I hope they are able to go the distance.
I would also like to note that the three previous celebrity couples doing long distance are still going strong
The Languages of Love
Posted on 04. Mar, 2009 by lisa in Creative/Fun Ideas, General Relationship Advice
On one of Anthony Robbins tapes (anyone remember tapes?) he talked about different ways that people feel love, and different ways that people tell others they love them. Gary Chapman wrote a book on a similar idea. He outlines 5 ‘languages’ of love.
- Words of Affirmation spoken words used to encourage and compliment your loved ones.
- Quality time means spending quiet, undistracted moments with your loved ones. This means turning off the television, etc to just sit on the couch and look at your partner while he or she shares his or her life with you.
- Receiving gifts means giving things to your loved ones. These gifts do not have to be expensive items. Ask any mom to show you her most precious gift from a small child—more than likely she will pull out a drawing, piece of art, or a letter written to her by her child.
- Acts of service means doing things for your loved ones such as washing the car, painting the living room, picking up clothes, washing the dishes, and doing laundry before the perceived “nagging” starts. In other words, you, as the partner, initiate the acts of service.
- Physical touch includes any physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, squeezes on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a touch of the face, and an arm around the waist.
I think that in any relationship your partner has to communicate love in a way that you can feel it. Figure out your love language (Gary has a quiz, Anthony Robbins asks that you think about when you feel the absolutely most loved and focus on that) and make sure your partner knows. Then, figure out how your partner feels love. Hopefully you can focus on the way your partner feels love, and make sure that when you are trying to say ‘I love you’ they actually hear it. This may involve changing some of the usual ways you show your love, in order to ensure that your partner truly feels it.
6 Steps to better phone sex
Posted on 01. Mar, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty
I think there is a general assumption that if you are doing long distance, then you must be having a lot of phone sex. I have a confession – though I have been through 7 years of long distance, I still don’t think I’m very good at it!
So, I’ve been doing some research here and here and I think I know the steps to get better.
Step 1: Set the mood. Dim the lights. Have some wine. Relax.
Step 2: Know your opening line. Talking about previous (recent) encounters with your partner is a good start (e.g. Remember when we were at X and we did Y”). Other ideas: “what are you wearing?” or “I wish you were lying here with me” sound good to me also.
Step 3: Ease your way into it. Details are more important than being explicit. Be descriptive! Imagine your partner, imagine doing things to your partner… and talk about exactly what it is you imagine. Talk about their freckle locations, your favourite muscle, how they smell.
Step 4: Try not to feel inhibited. Be creative! Try to think outside of your usual bondaries (“‘How would you feel if I tied you up?”). Assuming a positive response, you can start describing exactly how. There are no wrong words for body parts. But, if you are concerned about calling things the wrong name (e.g. wee-wee or boobies), take a cue from your partner and use the same words for the same body parts.
Step 5: Touch yourself. Literally.
Step 6: Practice! Yes, even shy people can be really good at phone sex. Know how they got there? Practice.
(Image from http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com)
