Annoyed with travel time to see your long distance partner?

Posted on 29. Jun, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice

Depending on how far apart you are from your partner and how often you see each other, you may start to get frustrated at how much of your life you are spending traveling. 

My advice: Make the most of your travel time.  Read a good book, write stories, detail your goals, plan what you are going to do next week/month/year, knit… try to do something.  If you usually drive, take transit (train, bus, etc) or carpool as much as possible so that the time can become more productive. 

I used to get caught up with all the travel time and get really annoyed – feeling that I was just wasting my time.  At some point I started to do all the above things and it didn’t annoy me anymore.  It’s what you have to do to see your great partner too – so remember that it is worth while. 

How to fight in a long distance relationship

Posted on 22. Jun, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Other sites

This is again from the great article here discussing how long distance couples should deal with fighting.

  • Realize that its okay to fight; suppressing feelings is not good.
  • Fight fair.  This means fighting about what is currently bothering you; not the past, not other issues.  Remember that its not you vs them, it’s the two of you trying to figure this out.  If there are issues that are brought up from the past, respect it when your partner points it out and put it ‘away’ til after the current issue is resolved.
  • Have the webcam on.  This reduces misunderstandings.
  • Be mature.  No avoiding.  No banging things.  Don’t try to punish your partner – because neither of you are enjoying the fighting.  Realize that your partner can’t just show up and fix things, so you have to talk it out.  This is one of the good, and bad, things about being in a long distance relationship.
  • Learn.  At any given moment in a fight you can choose to: argue back, listen, solve the problem, be empathetic, give space, give time, etc.  When its all over, ask your partner what they would have appreciated so next time you will know. If you both do this afterward, then fighting can truly help your relationship

Tips to make a long distance relationship work

Posted on 19. Jun, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Other sites, Technology for Long Distance Relationships, Trust/Jealousy

I just found a great article about long distance relationships here These are some of the interesting tidbits that I got out of it (the author tells is much more interestingly than I do though…):

  1. LDRs work as good as close proximity relationships – so stop asking if they work! The real question is whether or not you want to make it work.

  2. Be Happy! Do not think that you can’t be happy if your partner is not with you (though, yes, you are going to feel sad sometimes). Not only do you have a right to be happy, being happy also makes your relationship better. You need to become the source of that happiness, it is your responsibility.
  3. Connect and communicate. Being a part of each others lives needs to be a priority – and you have to figure out as a couple how you both are going to do that. You might have to re-learn how to communicate because you are not always close to your partner. New cues will be discovered and you will have to be more verbal – your partner can’t understand silence. Create a routine that you both are content with, but be flexible with it. Explore the technology out there – chat (yahoo, gtalk, msn), VOIP, webcam, etc. can all add a new level of communication.

The article ends with the following paragraphs – and I couldn’t agree more:

Staying apart from loved one is always difficult. Nothing can replace complete presence of a loved one in our life. Even if you apply everything mentioned above or anywhere else, you will still miss your partner very much, you will still remember your partner everytime you go out, everytime you see something great. Everytime you see something which brings out a ‘wow’ from you, you will terribly miss your partner and wish there were here to share this. And missing is good. Missing your partner simply means you want him/her to be with you. Staying away from loved one will always be very very difficult.

But the point is, your relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. Inspite of all the distance that comes in between both of you, you can still be an important part of each others life, you can still love each other like crazy, you can still share all your small titbits with your partner, you can still have a happy, loving, fulfilling, successful relationship. You can still have a fantastic relationship – just the way you want.


How often should long distance couples see each other?

Posted on 17. Jun, 2009 by lisa in Distance Factors

The easy answer is as often as possible! But how far about you live will make a big difference. From what I have seen there are three types of long distance couples:

  • Close-ish: You live within a couple (2-7) hours driving distance, so you are limited to seeing each other on weekends. That being said, it’s a lot of travelling if you see each other every weekend. In my experience settling into 2/3 weekend schedule works well. This means that one person travels one weekend, the other person travels the next weekend and then you have a weekend apart. Honestly, this type of relationship can go on for years and years if both people are dedicated.
  • Mid-distance: You live many of driving hours apart, but a relatively short flight away. Seeing each other every weekend is not an option – but once per month is a good goal. That means that each of you will be flying every two months. Assuming you can afford it. Make it a long weekend whenever you can!
  • Far: You live continents away. Most couples I’ve talked to in this scenario are in for a pre-determined period of time (i.e. 3 months, 1 yr) with a clear end date – which can make it slightly more bearable. Schedule vacations to see each other as often as you can – and start the countdown. The distance will end eventually!

Reality TV show about a long distance couple!

Posted on 14. Jun, 2009 by lisa in Pop Culture

Do you care about Bill Rancic (The Apprentice) and his new wife Guiliana (E! News)? I understand if you do not. BUT, they are doing a long distance marriage! A new show will be starting in August on Style, and will focus on their LDR. He lives in Chicago (developing real estate) and she lives in LA (covering celebrity news). The show is set to follow the couple as they balance their relationship and careers with humour and affection.

While some of the problems with LDRs they may not experience (e.g. they have enough money to travel a lot to see each other!) I’m sure the show will shed some light on what it’s like to be in an LDR. I just hope they paint an accurate picture.

(Image from http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com)

Do you have awkward moments when you first see your long distance relationship partner?

Posted on 11. Jun, 2009 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Getting Dirty

This is normal! It tends to happen after going for more than 3 weeks without seeing each other. Its just each of you realizing that you are FINALLY with this amazing person that you have been talking/writing/gaming/thinking about. Don’t take it as a sign that something is wrong with your relationship.

If you go in expecting a few awkward moments in the beginning everything will quickly settle back to normal. Trust me. Soon you will soon go from this:

to this:

(Images Lars and the Real Girl and www.people.com)