5 things NOT to do in a long distance relationship
Posted on 25. Feb, 2010 by lisa in General Relationship Advice, Trust/Jealousy
Here is a list of 5 things that you shouldn’t do in a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter). If you start to see your partner doing these things its time to have a serious chat.
1. Too much negativity
Negativity can come from others or from ourselves, but either way negativity and relationships don’t mix. Try to stay positive. Long distance relationship can and do work.
2. Dwindling Enthusiasm
Keeping the fire burning constantly can be difficult in a long distance relationship. However, a little technology and some creative thinking can go a long way. If you do start to feel the passion eroding, and you are longing for your partner less and less take some time to figure out if the relationship is still what you want.
3. Constant Investigations or Suspicions
Always wondering where your partner is? Concerned they are cheating? Most likely they are not. And unfounded accusations can really erode a relationship fast. If distrust seems to be getting worse, you need to determine if it is your own insecurities or if you really have cause for concern.
4. Going for a Temporary Replacement
Letting someone else into your life as a temporary replacement for your loved one who’s not physically around is (in the words of Pretty Woman) big mistake. Big. Huge. Yes, it can happen unintentionally, but if it continues it turns into one large step away from your partner.
5. Frequent Misinterpretation of Each Other
Couples who are next to each others sometimes misinterpret one another’s thoughts, words or actions. These misinterpretations just get worse with distance. Misinterpretations are, once in a while, pretty normal. But if it happens each time that you get to communicate with one another, it can mean the two of you are starting to grow apart.
Very good advice to have! I wish I had seen this last year b/c it would have saved us months of agony over adjusting to be in a LDR. Making it work so far, but we went through this the hard way! Each of these rules was broken, tested, and mended.
So, I am just recently in a LDR and I am not doing to well in it. I realize that I am doing everything wrong. I break down every couple of days and loose my mind. I get so overwhelmed that I cry for hours and almost break up with my boyfriend all the time. Am I just not cut out for this? I care about him so much, but I need love and I don’t feel loved…what do I do?
Hi Laura – sounds like you are really struggling in your relationship, which is never good news. Continually threatening to break up is not going to get you anywhere in the relationship unfortunately. Perhaps you need to talk about different ways that you “feel” loved (http://www.coupledtogether.com/blog/?p=146) with your partner and figure out what (if any?) he can do from a distance that will really ensure that you know he cares… then see what he does.
Does any of this help?
Also – get busy! Find things that interest you that you can do without him. Play a sport, join a poetry group, something that makes you happy that you look forward to. This will help no matter what happens with your guy
Hi,
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. He lives about 1.5 hours away without traffic and we see each other either on weekends or one day during the week. I love him and he makes me happy, etc. But I’m finding the longer I’m in this relationship, the harder it is. Like the time spent together is not long enough and I’m starting to feel resentful. Esp. if he’s at a friend’s place for the weekend and we don’t see each other for another week. He’s just hanging out with his buddies, I get that, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being pushed aside. And feel like, Well, fine. Let’s go two weeks without seeing each other, how about three!
It’s just getting frustrating to have to plan things out a week in advance. I’m starting to feel the pressure of being in a LDR.
Hi J,
Sounds like you are going through some of the normal frustrations of long distance relationships. Perhaps you are starting to feel taken for granted a bit also? I think its time to consider if your needs are being met in the relationship. If not, tell your partner! Also, sounds like you are relying a lot on your partner to make plans… what about your independence? See your friends, do stuff without your partner – show yourself that you can do stuff on your own also. You will come back to the relationship with your partner less resentful and full of great experiences.